Expendables 3: A truly ‘expendable’ movie

Angel Esqueda

If you’re bored at home staring at your ceiling and for some reason are thinking about watching The Expendables 3 – don’t. It’s practically the same thing. Mind numbingly boring.

So, the movie jumps straight into the action with a train heist to pick up Wesley Snipes (Doc) and of course the whole scene is full of over the top action, which it should be.

Of course, the movie is supposed to be a dumb action movie, but most of the time, the movie is just flat out dumb.

Instead of the movie going zero to 60, the whole thing goes 60 to zero fast. The action and what is supposed to be a plot, starts insanely quickly, but from then on is stretched until it’s practically tearing.

Not only that, but there’s a lot more talking than shooting which maybe would make sense if the plot was actually worth caring about. But the whole storyline is as understandable as Sylvester Stallone, who wrote the story himself, who sounds like he’s gargling marbles throughout the entire film.

The movie’s main selling point is 80’s nostalgia and seeing A-list action stars in their prime beating up bad guys.

And even then, the movie doesn’t deliver on its one guarantee. Jet Li is listed as an actor in the film and gets less than five minutes of screen time. Terry Crews is in the hospital for about the duration of the whole film. Jason Statham is being mushy with a bromance between him and Stallone for about 7/8ths of the film.

Then, to top it all off, a group of new younger actors are introduced by Stallone in an attempt to “save” his teammates. The one big point of the movie is completely blown off in an attempt to bring in new actors – who were nowhere in the trailers.

And if getting screwed on the selling point wasn’t enough insult, the whole movie looks like it was put together as a sci-fi movie studios production. Every ride-through-the-desert scene is put on a green screen, which is incredibly noticeable. The CGI on parachutes and explosions is laughable.

The budget on the movie was about $80 million, but by the look of the final product, one would guess that the film’s budget was $12 and a cheeseburger.

This movie is truly expendable, designed to be used only once and then abandoned or destroyed. This movie yields 1/5 stars.