Letter to the Editor: Vandals plan to attack the school

Lazarus Long, The Yank

This note has been created in response to an article written with the student ran newspaper known as the Talon Marks concerning vandalism, more importantly the picture used to represent vandalism.

This picture was taken within a woman’s bathroom on campus and it must be known that we both found this photo rather hilarious.

The thing that was found hilarious about this is so called “vandalism” problem is that the overwhelming majority of it is simple people writing down quotes onto bathroom stalls.

A small minority of aforementioned majority is also what we both define as “petty vandalism.”

This campus does not suffer from a vandalism problem so much as an interpretation problem.

That is why I, Lazarus Long and consigner The Yank have decided to put our collaborative efforts to good uses and begin a campaign of “vandalism” her at Cerritos College.

We are confident that all the possible resources to prevent such a campaign here at Cerritos College put together collectively will fail miserably.

We both will be able to outfox your defensive abilities and outspray your offensive capabilities… if you even have any.

The chances of us being caught are slim and none, and we can boast this openly due to the fact that we have performed specific surgical operations that have been met with great success.

One that you can possibly investigate further could be explained well by the security group here about what occurred on the night of Dec. 10, 2008, as just one person carried that out.

We also know from that night that we have a very uncanny method of skirting around rules, codes, violations and infractions.

Charges will not be able to be filed as we have a wild card that made its debut that cold December night.

Therefore at this point all we can do is claim ownership.

Overall object on the campus with the compensation of making the dull walls you see something worthy enough to stop and look at.

We promise not to make racially motivated, hurtful or distasteful statements.

We promise to make positive, subversive and irreverent statements while showing that graffiti is not merely “vandalism,” but a legitimate branch of artistry.

But the main promise that we shall make is that we will use a specialized technique that will allow the removal of our art.

Opening the folder this document is in is an acceptance of terms and allows us to carry out our actions knowing that you understand our terms and conditions.

Violations of this document will result in harsh penalties which will be instituted in a manner we (Lazarus Long and The Yank) agree upon.

This is set to begin promptly on April 28 at 9 a.m.