The Rebecca Black plague has been spread and it’s sickening

Victor Diaz

“It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.”

No, you don’t; you’re in middle school.

The premise of Rebecca Black’s hit song, “Friday” is, without a doubt, one of the stupidest, most insane ideas ever conjured in the history of human existence.

The lyrics themselves make one rather want to listen to a combination of Kim Kardashian’s latest single and a revival of General Larry Platt’s “Pants on the Ground” as performed by William Hung.

One has to ask, how important is it to listen to a song that describes all the days of the week?

“Yesterday was Thursday.”

Okay, so?

“Today is Friday.”

Thanks for the update.

“Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterward.”

Cool, because I didn’t know the days that made up the weekend.

Did anyone else catch the fact that in one of the scenes in the music video, a convertible in which Black gets into is driven by a fellow middle-school classmate0?

Can someone please explain in what parallel universe it is logical for something like this to happen?

“You know what it is.”

No, I don’t, please explain.

What’s even worse is that throughout the song, the popular effect known as auto-tune is used to augment Black’s voice, but it only makes her voice sound worse.

However, in an appearance on ABC’s “Good Morning America,” Black sang a line from the national anthem that sounded well done that it begs the question, what was the point of the auto-tune?

The sad thing is that the success, or lack thereof, of this song, is not even the poor girl’s fault.

It is the combined ineptitude of Black’s mother and music producers Ark Music Factory.

Black’s mother paid $2,000 for Ark Music to create and produce this oxymoronic successful failure.

As far as she was concerned, all she wanted was for her little girl to make it on the Internet.

There are two problems with that:

1.    Anyone can make it on the Internet (e.g.  “Chocolate Rain,” the dramatic prairie dog and the reincarnation of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”)

2.    If she really wanted her daughter to gain Internet fame that badly, maybe she needed to look over the lyrics to ensure her daughter wasn’t about to make a complete fool of herself in front of a limitless audience.

The question is, is this the result of the further exploitation of mediocre music or just bad parenting?

The answer is, both.

Ark Music Factory is guilty of creating such a dull, meaningless, piece-of-junk song and having someone as innocent as Black sing it without truly analyzing the significance, or in this case, relevance, behind it.

Black’s mother is guilty of trying to give her daughter a present without really looking into what she’s getting involved with.

One of the few positives that came out of this whole fiasco is that it inspired several parodies that revolved around the other six days of the week, including a parody by Conan O’Brien titled, “Thursday.”

My only request for Black is that she uses this incident as a way to grow and move forward because it would be a damn shame to see such good talent go to waste.