Is emotional cheating real?

Bianca Martinez

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“Goodnight, babe, I’m going to sleep. I love you,” you read as you open the text message from your lover.

“Goodnight, babe. I love too,” you drift off to sleep knowing that your darling babe is somewhere off in dreamland.

PING! His phone chimes and it is not only your message that appears on his screen but that of another individual.

In committed relationships, there has long been established a universal modus operandi that is specified by two simple yet comprehensible words.

“Loyalty ” which in a relationship, refers to being supportive of your partner in all their positive endeavors; being their shoulder to lean on, lending them your ear to bend; ultimately, being someone that they are able to depend on.

The other aspect of the unwritten rule of committed relationships is fidelity.

When you get involved in a relationship which has become a mutually commitment, the main purpose of changing the relationship status from casual to committed is because you are prepared to get into that cardboard rowboat of love with your paper life vest on and set sail into the turbulent sea of life with your self-chosen co-captain.

The boat depends on its sailors to keep it afloat or the whole endeavor has been in vain.

Now why in the hell are you guys going to take that risk then drown yourselves because one of your skippers decided to kick a hole in the boat?

Despite the cheesy metaphor, love is a boat — it requires constant care and attention.

However, there will come an instance, that some boats only have one captain putting in all the time and effort while their co-captain is off tugging along on someone else’s boat.

Cheating is almost exclusively categorized as being done physically, we all know what that means; you come home or open your social media to find your supposed significant other giving the goods to someone you may or may not know.

But is that the only type of action that can be categorized as cheating? Can there be another aspect tossed into the mix?

And the answer is?


There is in fact another aspect of cheating, my friends, and it is done so emotionally.

Sure, emotional cheating is not a sure fire deal breaker such as cheating physically but it can still cause the same mental scarring that gives birth to thoughts of future distrust.

Emotional cheating can be categorized as seeking emotional support or solace in another person that is not a relative.

A perfect example of an emotional cheating scenario is when, let’s say, a certain individual who is already in a committed relationship of their own finds it rather convenient to message your significant other as such a ridiculous hour like 1 a.m. to complain about their own lover and seek solace and support from your significant other, in which your loved one returns the other’s messages with such intimate concern and be their shoulder to cry on.

Bear with me, with the rather specific example — but let’s break down the scenario to highlight which aspect of the situation can be categorized as cheating emotionally to provide perhaps a more clear understanding of emotional infidelity, especially in a two party involved scenario which is 100 percent always the case.

Firstly, 1 a.m. is sneaking-around-hour, you have no business texting anybody who you don’t have a close relationship to at that hour, it’s shifty and secretive, which is an even bigger red flag if the conversation is kept private from their apparent significant other.

Communication, another aspect of a successful relationship but is constantly overlooked because it is not necessarily deemed as important as loyalty or fidelity.

Always communicate with your partner, especially if it pertains to them.

Instead of communicating with someone else’s significant other to complain about their intimate relationship, that individual should be communicating with the one that they are actually involved in a committed relationship with, instead of involving a second party, who has no business in that situation anyways.

If you are not embarrassed to tell a completely uninvolved second party whom you barely know then you should have absolutely no problem telling the person whom you care about and swap DNA with.

However, if you find no reason to communicate with that person then just do everyone involved in the relationship a favor and just dissolve the relationship.

How do you expect the relationship to last if you can’t even talk to your lover?

The other aspect of emotional cheating expressed in the example is when the person being messaged starts responding endearingly, expressing that they care a great amount about the other person they are not involved in a committed relationship with.

The need to console a distraught person is understandable but it shouldn’t be done so emotionally affectionate.

Don’t respond with hearts — and as I mentioned before, don’t keep the conversation secret from your significant other, be honest and tell them, especially if they have low self-esteem or lack self-confidence.

Always be honest with your partner.

Don’t give special attention to a person you are not in a committed relationship in, especially if you don’t even give your own lover the special attention which they rightfully deserve in the first place.

It is not hard at all to treat your loved ones with respect.

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