Estrogren Express: Bashing

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00:00

00:00

Hi everyone, this is estrogen Express. I am Tiara.

00:04

I’m Marilyn

00:04

[Cindy] And I’m Cindy.

00:06

[Tiara] Today we’re going to be talking about bashing women on social media and how it doesn’t really help your character at all. Instead, when need to uplift other women. So what does your guys opinions on that?

00:17

[Marilyn] So when you say social media, I know that when you’re talking to someone, you’re dating someone, or just you, you’re into someone, and you notice that a girl likes

01:11

[Cindy] Yeah, I feel like social media, like anyone can put anything out there. Like you can make a fake life, sort of your big, you can put like a fake persona on there that people just believe and if they don’t really know you. And so that’s why people like bash and others. Because whenever you post something on social media, you try and put your best life out there. Like trying to make yourself look perfect, even though your life is not. And that’s what people go based off and like try to bash you. So once they do know you, they’re like, Oh, yeah, these are her flaws. And that’s kind of messed up. Like everyone has laws. This is how you embrace them.

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00:59

[Tiara] Yeah.

00:59

[Marilyn] Instead of calling her ugly, fat or pointing out any…

01:03

[Tiara] Random flaws that she might have.

01:06

[Marilyn] Because I think it’s wrong.

01:08

[Tiara] And God don’t like ugly. Period.

other pictures or comments, you look at her profile, and you bash her to make yourself feel better. And I personally think that’s so ugly. And I’m not going to sit here and talk and be a hypocrite because everyone does it. Everyone tries to pick out flaws in other women to make themselves feel better. And I’ve done it, but I’m slowly going away from that. And I feel like I’ve gotten way better. Instead of doing that, I honestly feel like you could just tell yourself, she might not have, she may have this, but I can bring this to the table.

03:49

[Cindy] Yeah, your’re showing that to like all your supporters and all your followers on social media. Yeah, that insecure, like jealous type that not just here like, partner, but to

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01:47

[Tiara] And I have noticed, there’s this one female that I know from back home, where I’m from Virginia, and she’s very beautiful. She’s a cheerleader, about to graduate college, and maybe in her like, early 20s. And for some reason, she goes on Instagram, and she kind of just post these random stories saying like, “oh, if you’re trying to think of like liking my man’s pictures and back off, because you don’t want..” blah, just going in, and it’s kind of like, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to. But one, no one is concerned with you or your man. And second of all, like you talking like this and kind of talking to other woman does not make you look any better or shine any better than anyone else. It just makes you look like ugly, hateful human being. And you don’t need to be like that, especially when you physically look beautiful. When you physically look beautiful, then maybe try to like have your insights be just as beautiful, if that makes sense. Because if those two don’t match up, then overall, you’re not like a nice person, a beautiful person, you’re just, you’re hating .

02:48

[Marilyn] That person is with you for a reason. And I also feel like there’s a certain extent to wanting to protect your man from other woman. And I get it like, that’s your man, you’re in that relationship. But if girls come up to him asking him for that, you really can’t control that. Because I don’t understand why it’s so different for males. But when guys go to females, they’re so happy to flaunt about it like “oh my gosh, this guy just asked for my number.” Like if girls are going up to your man and asking if he’s single, if he’s Q, telling him he’s q asking for his number. As long as he says, No, I’m in a relationship, you’re fine, because he’s loyal. And it just happens. It’s normal. It happens to women. So why is it bad? If a girl innocent girl does not know who’s in relationships, like Oh, can I have your number, as long as you let them know?

03:38

[Tiara] Exactly. If you’re secure about your relationship, then there’s nothing to worry about. Because once you show that insecurity, it’s not just showing that you’re insecure within your relationship that you’re in, it shows that you’re insecure with yourself

05:26

[Marilny] I think people forget what the main intention was for Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat, it’s to post things share things about your life, people have taken it into like a diary almost, and put their whole life out there. Like where they live, where they go out to eat. And it’s okay to post pictures. But people forget the main like the main point and go super, super personal. So like what Tiara was saying that you don’t have to put all that. But sadly, in today’s generation, today’s world, people feel like that, like that’s what they think Instagram is for?

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04:26

[Tiara] And I feel like that’s why like, a big problem with social media is that people feel like they should over share every single thought that their that’s going through their mind. And it just, it doesn’t make any sense. If you have problems within your relationship and you feel like people are trying to enter in to your circle, if that makes sense. Like enter into your relationship, then maybe talk with your man or your significant other your woman about that, like, talk to them say oh, well, this person liking your pictures making me feel insecure, the maybe, maybe you can, like unfollow her or something like that. So they know that there’s no like boundaries being broken or anything like that. I don’t think everything needs to be shared on Instagram or, or Twitter or whatever social media platform you guys use. I just I feel like it can be very invasive already, like Instagram, Twitter, and all that stuff. So there’s no reason to even put all of your information out there.

05:20

[Cindy] That conversation has to be between two people and not like two people and the follower and…

05:25

[Tiara] And all your followers. Yeah.

everyone, you’re like, very insecure, you have more flaws, and you show in that. And then you’re trying to cover it up later saying that know that you’re independent, you’re strong. Well, I could see people like try to be strong and and it but you see all those downfalls and your like coming back to them, like they’re not growing from that experience. They’re just like, letting it be let it repeat itself. And then growing out of that.

07:26

[Marilyn] And sometimes it can be embarrassing. Like my last tweet, I actually deleted. This was last week. I deleted it because I looked at it the next day. And I’m like, This is so embarrassing. And I don’t want to like I don’t get a lot that many likes on Twitter because I just need one last year. But for that sub tweet, I got eight likes and I thought okay, people

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05:59

[Cindy] Yeah, you’d like to share a story about yourself or like growth. But once you put in like, the negative parts of yourself on there, it just makes you kind of like decrease in your brand and your person.

06:14

[Tiara] I was going to say so today we talked about our brand on like social media and stuff. And it kind of like relates to what you’re saying. If you give off that negative vibe. Then when I look at your profile, I’m going to see you just negative, like just a hateful kind of person.

06:31

[Marilyn] But it’s also really hard to not want to rant on social media. Yeah, i’ve done this so many times. I try so hard not to sub tweet. I think I’ve only accepted twice.

06:45

[Tiara] I sub tweet my my dad’s girlfriend, I will literally sub tweet the dog across three. I will tweet anyone I do not care. I don’t know why but okay, I feel like I’ve gotten better. Like I feel like Twitter, circa 2012. It was a wild time and you would literally subtweet the person you saw in the hallway for giving you like a bad look. Like it was bad. And it would be Twitter arguments and stuff. But I need to get better with that, personally, but I me subtweeting.

07:13

[Cindy] I think subtweeting is funny when it’s when it’s not you in that drama, but also yet apart like hurtful when you are in that little circle.

08:24

[Marilyn] It’ll blow up. Blow up. We don’t get called out for our actions. So I think about prominent figures like Khloe Kardashian when she was subtweeting going not even subtweeting, calling out Jordan Woods. Yeah, she made herself look so bad and…

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07:53

[Tiara] But that’s good though because like you came to like he came to like the realization that like yeah, I shouldn’t be like I shouldn’t be sitting here talking shit like that.

08:00

[Cindy] You thought it through and not like left it there and then added on more on to that subtweet.

08:04

[Tiara] *laughs* makes a whole thread.

08:05

[Cindy] Once you put more into that subtweet your kind of explaining your reasoning for subtweeting, which is wrong first of all subtweeting is like a no, but it’s also funny.

08:17

[Marilyn] But it’s good that we’re not prominent figures. Now, because.

08:22

[Tiara] It’s not it’s like we’re not setting a good tone.

feel me and the next day I was just so embarrassed when I just deleted it. So…

09:39

[Cindy] It’s not even our family, it’s their family. And she should focus more like it’s a three way conversation. There’s three stories that….

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08:37

[Tiara] And Twitter came after her like, like, Why are you coming after her? This is the whole like the whole topic of this podcast, uplifting woman your…Khloe Kardashian she shamed a 20 something year old woman, right. Jordan was 21 years old, when your man is over there cheating on you for like the 15th time. Like it doesn’t really make any sense. In this sense. We need to be like, yeah, like, we both kind of messed up in this. But I need to look at more so towards my man who I have a kid with not this 21 year old girl.

08:37

[Marilyn] She’s just another woman that he cheated on you with?

09:02

[Tiara] Exactly.

09:07

[Marilyn] I know she was close to you and it’s hurtful. But I hate that she put so much of the blame on her because she’s young, she was taken advantage of. And yes, she knew what she was doing. But it’s like, do not attack her, fix the problem with her man Tristian because he can’t stay loyal.

09:27

[Cindy] It was very childish of her going against another woman who was like, it might or might not be your fault. We don’t know.

09:34

[Tiara] Exactly. No one knows the full story. And even if we did then like, it just not the right thing to go…

10:53

[Marilyn] I wanted to know, that’s why I asked you guys because I’ve done it before. Seen an outfit and like mmm I feel like I could look twice as good.

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09:47

[Marilyn] I believe that fully.

09:51

[Cindy] And it’s kind of sad to for the other family.

09:54

[Marilyn] What do you guys think? Is there a difference between so bashing a girl online or in person just saying in your head like, “Oh, she’s not cute I’m better.” Is that different than picking something out? Like, “oh, her outfit is not cute I can rock it.”

10:10

[Tiara] I feel like, I feel like it’s a natural thing for humans as a whole to kind of look at people and automatically compare themselves to the person that you’re looking at. Regardless if it’s negative or positive. I just feel like it’s a natural thing for us to do. So. Yeah. Like when Yeah, I might see a girl or whatever. And, and I might be like, Oh, yeah, I could probably wear that outfit better. I don’t think that’s like necessarily me trying to be cruell, like hateful. I think it’s just like our natural way of comparing ourselves to whoever.

10:40

[Cindy] I don’t think it’s a bashing question. It’s just like, Oh, I like your outfit. I kind of want to grab inspiration from that.

10:46

[Tiara] Yeah, I feel like I would look good in that too. But yes, how do you feel about it? Like, you feel like it’s the same?

11:47

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11:03

[All Laugh]

11:03

[Tiara] Three times maybe.

11:06

[Cindy] I see like outfits and like I like to shirt but like how they paired it with like..

11:10

[Tiara] Yeah.

11:11

[Cindy] Overalls, I’m like, Oh, you could paired it up with like, some skinnies and like a windbreaker and make it look a bit better. But I don’t think that’s a bashing bashing on the person. I think it’s more like how do you wear your clothes?

11:23

[Tiara] Yeah. And I feel like it’s just also, along with the whole natural thing. Like, I feel like, we automatically judge people. And like, we’re not supposed to it’s a sin and blah, blah, like, it’s natural to us. Like we do it. Regardless of the situation. We look at someone were like, yeah I don’t really like that. And it’s not always a bad thing. It’s just kind of what we do.

11:43

[Cindy] It’s kind of like online shopping you also kind of bash the models who wear the clothes.

13:24

people don’t like some women don’t want to share where they get their nails done, thier

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12:21

[Marilyn] Is it the same? I don’t know if this is different. But I going back to the outfits I hate when you compliment someone on their outfit. And you ask them where did you get your shirt? Where do your jeans and they don’t tell you. They don’t want to tell you and they go online because I’ve seen so many sub tweets, saying this woman asks about this woman asked where to get my shoes, where do I get my shirt? And I lied, because I’m not going to have someone else wearing the same thing as me on the streets. How would…that so ugly?

12:47

[Cindy] I do that unintentionally, like I don’t say like because I forget like, I’m just I don’t know. And then I have to look up like the brand. And I’m like, oh, here’s the brand, but I’ll tell them. I’m like, Oh, I forgot where I got it.

13:00

[Marilyn] Honeslty, like I can feel you. I don’t think I intentionally do it. Most of the time if I don’t know where I got it from I’ll just be like I got from goodwill. And you kind of go from there. Like if they find it there then so be it but but now I understand what you’re saying. Because there’s girls like that. Like, I’m not just girls people like people like that, that they just don’t want to share where they get their clothes from and I think it’s kind of wack to in a way. Some

[Tiara] We’re supposed to judge. We’re not supposed to have no opinion about anything we’re supposed to. But when it I feel like the difference between like what you were saying like saying like you see someone’s outfit, and say like, you know scrolling on Instagram and go like when you’re seeking for something to hate, then that’s when it like, that’s when you draw the line. But when you’re kind of just observing something and like you don’t like it, that’s okay. Because you’re supposed to have your own opinion. You’re not supposed to like everything. But yeah, what, like when you seek for something to kind of hate on or talk negative about them. That’s when you’re just being like that nasty, evil person that we were talking about?

14:19

[Marilyn] Or is it the a world filled with people? Who are the same? [all laughs]

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13:32

[Tiara] That’s how we met! Yeah.

13:32

[Marilyn] Yeah, the first day I met Tiara she asked, “How do..Where do you get your lashes done?” And I told her like I wasn’t lying about it, because why not help someone else out.

13:41

[Tiara] And that’s how we began our friendship is literally just from me asking that and she thank god told me the truth. And now my eyelashes be on fleek lwe both be on fleek, and I feel like that’s that can also go with the whole like, women uplifting thing. Like, oh, you’re not gonna be wearing this exact same outfit I’m wearing like, no, yes, we can wear the similar.

13:41

[Marilyn] And it’s like, “Oh, I don’t want you to have the same naild as me I’m not gonna tell you my little tech.”

14:02

[Cindy] I don’t understand that, if it’s a good nail tech, just tell them, it doesn’t matter if they’re going to get the same design or different design it just their way their personality.

14:12

[Tiara] And what is that what is that saying? Something is flattery? Imitation is flattery? Or..

nail artists or their lash tech. I get my lashes done. And if someone tells like that.

15:11

[Tiara] Yeah I feel like people, people trying to, you know, wrap the same clothes, you’re wearing the same jewelry or whatever. It’s not really, I know that that whole copying thing.

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14:30

[Marilyn] Scarth that out.

14:31

[Tiara] Scrath that out.

14:34

[Tiara] But no, I think it’s imitation is Oh, imitation is a something form of flattery.

14:39

[Cindy] I think it is that.

14:41

[Tiara] Something like that. You get what I’m trying to say. So yeah, I don’t even know where I was trying to go with that.

14:47

[Cindy] It’s not like thier being followers, they just want to be like, on your level of confidence.

14:52

[Tiara] And if something like that’s gonna make them feel good, then so be it. Okay, so I found the quote that I was talking about. It says imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, to imitate someone is to pay the person a genuine compliment, often an unattended compliment.

16:28

[Marilyn] Overall bashing woman on social media to make yourself feel better is wrong and ugly. It’s a very hard habit to break because all of us have done it. We’ve all spoke on it. And we said we’ve done it, and we’re slow, we’re getting better at it. It’s very ugly thing to do, it should not be done. And if you’re trying to make yourself feel better for a new guy that you’re talking to, she had him at one point, and now you have him. So you win overall, there shouldn’t be any competition with women, we should all uplift each other.

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15:11

[Cindy] Compliment.

15:30

[Cindy] Just building their own brand, putting their own twist on their own personality into like, what they want to wear and like, improve their, like, body image. And if that gives them confidence, then that’s a great compliment from someone else that doesn’t really know that.

15:48

[Tiara] And that should make both of you guys feel good. It should make you feel good for helping someone else boost their own confidence. And it should make you feel good because someone that someone’s looking at you and saying like, wow, I want to feel that good. I want to look good.

16:01

[Cindy] And I feel like even if your other side. Like if someone’s copying me or my own copy certain styles of you, like sees you as inspiration, then you should be like no, actually be like one and only unique person. You shouldn’t put that on your head. Because there’s a lot of people who like kind of what to that follow you not be like the role model, but like inspiration and be a better version of themselves.

Like, if someone’s trying to copy you, that’s a different thing. But if someone wants a few things that kind of similar to like, what you’re wearing, then that that’s, that’s all it is. They just like what you’re what you present yourself as.

17:44

[Tiara] Thank you and stay tuned for next week’s episode.

Bashing Transcription Page 14 of 14 Transcribed by https://otter.ai

17:02

[Tiara] And I will add with that. I don’t think that like having whoever has the boy at the end of the day is the person that wins. It’s whoever feels like the most happiest with themselves. And the person who does feel the most happiest with themselves is not going to be sitting there bashing other women.

17:19

[Cindy] So if someone else is trying to like get help from your advice or tips from you, you shouldn’t close yourself off to that you should share that like where you nails where you got this from or how do you improve yourself because that’s always helpful like girl to girl power.

17:36

[Tiara] Girl Power always. We just got to stick together.

17:40

[Cindy] That concludes this episode of Estrogen Express.

Edited by Cindy Canas

Transcribed by Marilyn Parra

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