Sylvia DuranAssociate Editor

Our dear Uncle Sam Wants You! He wants you to buy, buy, buy that is. Here are a few new ways to show love for your country and support our Nation’s heroes protecting our great nation.

Thanks to a few sleazy money-grubbers, you are now able to eat, wear, and ride patriotism. In a land where a price tag can be slapped onto practically anything, love for your nation can now be bought with a credit card.

Enjoy a delicious bag of M&M’s while you literally swallow your pride. Indulgde without guilt knowing that a miserable penny of the outrageous price you paid for that bag of candy will go directly to the recovery victims of the Sept. 11 tragedies.

Can’t decide what to wear? Why not try a “United We Stand” t-shit made out of cheap fabric. Not only is it an affordable $ 25, it can also be mixed-n-matched with anything in your wardrobe. Try a variety of underwear, pins, ties, jackets for a spiffy new look.

Next time you’re out and about in search for a new way to express your new-found patriotism, consider visiting Knott’s Berry Farm. Now you can ride the Gyro Tower of Pride, formally known as The Sky Cabin. Your eyes will tear up at the sight of the panoramic view of the land you once took for granted.

Travel in style as you doll up your Honda in a half dozen flags in patriotic stickers. A once-worthless piece of crap is magically transformed into national pride on wheels! Can’t get your sweaty palms on a flag? Just drive down to your local Hobo hangout and you will find a happy hobo stationed at a corner or freeway exit ramp selling over priced flags.

Remember we are Americans and it is our nature to exaggerate and make a fast buck out of tragedies and the Superbowl. So please ride the Sky Cabin, wear your “Proud To Be American” gear and eat the M&M all at the same time. You can’t get any more patriotic than that. And to think foreigners have accused our society of thriving on avarice!