To whom this may concern:

I am writing in regards to a certain article I read online through talon marks. I think it was “Robbery at Washington Mutual” I have gladly attached it to refresh your memory.

(Robbery at Washington MutualWhere the bank robs you

By Brian DayOn my last visit to my local banking institution, Washington Mutual, I was astonished to learn that they had adopted a new company slogan, “Screw you, give us your money.”

I overheard some customers talking about it as I walked in, so when I reached the teller, I asked her the meaning behind the motto change.

She was more than happy to explain. “Let’s take a look at your account, shall we?” She tapped a few keys and then proceeded to pull a .357 magnum from her hip and point it at my face . “Gimme $105 and no one gets hurt!” she screamed.

I asked her if this was compliant with company policy, and she assured me it was.

I then asked her how it was I could possibly owe the bank this much money, when I know my account bulged with over $12 just the day before.

She pistol-whipped me for my insolence, and told me that yesterday, a 4 month old restaurant bill from Applebees’s had just been cashed(thanks, a-holes) had overdrawn my account by $12. Later that day, $4 worth of gas and a $2 bottle of motor oil were charged to my account, bringing the grand total to $18 in the hole.

She mumbled something under her breath about eighty-something dollars in bank fees, and insisted I pay the $105 before she splattered my brains on the wall.

“You can do that?!” I croaked? “This is legal?”

“You bet your ass it is! Looks like someone forgot to read the fine print!” she shrieked, and then cackled loudly for three or four minutes.

She presented me with a copy of a contract I had signed, in blood, when I opened my checking account. Near the bottom, in print barely visible to the naked eye, was that same, mocking phrase, “Screw you, give us your money!”

By the time I looked up, it was too late. Two ninjas dropped from the ceiling and grabbed my arms. The teller, still cackling, hit me on the head with the butt of her gun, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the parking lot and my wallet was gone.

So from now on, I’m keeping my net worth in a shoebox where it’s safe. I’d rather take my chances with a roving band of speed-freak carnies than leave my hard earned cash with the cutthroats at Washington Mutual. I suggest you do the same, because it’s only a matter of time before it happens to you. )

Just incase you did not know which I was writing about. This thing, I guess you call it a story, anyways I was become upset to read this while I was checking my email. A bank robbery is a very serious thing and should not be taken lightly. Sure ha ha banks steal the patrons money ha ha. What does pulling a gun on the person have to do with anything? I have a friend whom gets shaky when she sees armored trucks outside of Albertsons, so nevertheless it is definately a serious matter. It is not right to say or write for that matter how someone is tormented about someone putting a gun in their face. Not Funny at All. My cousin worked at a bank where she at gunpoint was robbed. She was told to give the criminal all the bank’s money or else. So also in the story the bank teller pistol whipped the bankee? Using the name of a known bank? Is that not slander?

I apologize if I took this story way out of content, however a robbery at a bank is no laughing matter. I also suppose I could choose not to read such a paper, but hey you never know when someone will be called a “Yellow Jacket MotherFucker” again, it leaves interest in the game. That’s a whole other letter though. Let’s just say I was once one. So I do apologize, the story was very much crap.

Thank you for your time.