Although I am repeating myself, let me reiterate my opening from the last issue:

The great thing about having my own opinion column is the fact that I can pretty much pick my own topic and say whatever the hell I feel like saying and get away with it.

The only problem is that I have to dodge the occasional bullet thrown my way.

For example …

Last week I went to visit my long time friend at the theater department where he is starring in the independent production of “The Council of Thirty” (Rock on, Joe)

We were busy making insulting jokes about each other’s questionable parentage and insane ex-girlfriends when one of the actors put two and two together and exclaimed in a loud and thunderous theater voice “Hey, you’re that writer, right? You suck!”

He was referring of course to my last column where I unabashedly listed a couple of things that pissed me off, one of which was my ex-girlfriend.

As I stated in that last column, my ex and I are still the best of friends. Some people go through their whole life without finding someone they can bond with the way we can.

Unfortunately, she keeps beating me over the head about how sweet and caring and sensitive her current boyfriend is compared to me and I keep hoping that Mr. Wonderful will fall down an open elevator shaft.

Our relationship is like something out of an “Ally McBeal” episode, so of course I enjoy poking fun at her on occasion.

All of my friends who read the opinion said they loved it and even she said she fell out of her chair laughing when she read it and showed it to all of HER friends.

Unfortunately, this one disgruntled and frustrated individual took personal offense to my writing and decided to teach me the error of my miscreant ways.

How dare I use MY space on MY page to write MY humor column about MY life???

I obviously need some serious medical attention before I go out and hurt somebody.

After he ranted and raved for a while, I had the unmitigated gall to ask him what I should have written about instead.

For a moment he had that frightened bovine look cows get just before getting run over by a speeding train.

I of course used his moment’s hesitation to whip out my razor sharp wit and verbally skewer him mercilessly.

Little did this poor lost soul know he had challenged the Great and Powerful Armondo, self-proclaimed center of the universe and inflated ego with no peer.

I taunted him, I teased him, I left him gaping like a fish out of water as I strutted triumphantly away.

I guess all those years of speech and debate finally paid off.

Let that be a lesson to you, foolish mortal, never mess with someone both smarter and better looking that you.