Podcast: The talking stage in relationships

Diana: Hi, I’m Diana. Hi, I’m Sophia. And we’re gonna be talking about the talking stage, the talking [laughs]

Sophia: Let’s See, what is the talking stage? What would you define it as? So I looked it up. And on refinery, it said, The talking stage is used to describe the nebulous start of a relationship where both parties likely met, either in person or online.

Sophia: It’s a stage where, where you will probably be texting someone every day for weeks asking questions, getting to know each other, and becoming more and more attached and potentially catching feelings.

Diana: What do you think the talking is in your own words? What do you think of the talking stage?

Sophia: I mean, I think it’s like, like, kind of like the same like just like getting to know people. Yeah. The early on to see if you click or something.

Sophia: It’s like, I don’t know, I don’t like the talking stage.

Diana: Me neither. Like I [laughs]

Sophia: Do want to read it?

Diana: The urban, let’s read the urban dictionary definition. It’s basically just a mindfuck. And really a waste of time. True [laughs]. Because most of the time, it doesn’t work. But when it does, I guess it could be great. But I mean, I wouldn’t know.

Sophia: Who wrote this? [laughs] Say I know a guy wrote this, I know a man wrote that

Sophia: It just sounds like it. I mean, it could be a waste of time. I can see why they say that.

Diana: I did too because sometimes I feel like one person must know that you’re not clicking yet.

Diana: They’re still prolonging the talking stage and could feel like very like one-sided.

Sophia: Yeah. Like you could always tell that one person’s putting in more effort into like getting to know someone than the other person. And that’s where the waste of time comes in.

Diana: Like, if you’re not really interested, why are we still talking? And they just like a lot of people just don’t make it out of the talking stage. Yeah,

Sophia: [laughter] And it could last longer

Diana: No. and like it sucks cuz sometimes it could even last like months. And it’s like, why are we like, Why? Why aren’t we dating already? Like, where are you? Why aren’t we official? It’s like, well, what else do we need to get to know?

Sophia: Like two months, two months? Why? why two months? Well, like me personally, like I get bored. You get bored. I get bored too. Like, it’s just like, okay, like now what. Have you.

Sophia: Because there is this thing called the three-month rule. It’s like people ok here, there’s a definition for the three-month mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious or you decide that love isn’t going to grow and you break things off?

Diana: I think I agree. Yeah, the three months Yeah. Cuz the last rela- like not a relationship because it was a talking stage.

Diana: But the last talking stage I had was four months. And I ended things because I would ask him like it was very one-sided and he told me he didn’t like texting.

Diana: He told me he literally didn’t wanna hang out. So I was like, what is the point like, why are we talking? Like, just so you don’t like me? So I asked him like three times, not two times in person.

Diana: And he’s like, no, like, I really like you, blah, blah, blah. And he will give me excuses. Like he literally used weed as an excuse for not like texting. And I was like, okay, no.

Sophia: what the fuck.

Diana: And I don’t know, it’s just a lot. So I had to, like, literally break things off through text because he wasn’t gonna let me break things off in person. And yeah, like he literally came forward saying that.

Diana: Yeah. Like, he doesn’t see himself like, wanting, like having a girlfriend that he wants to like, see every day when I was like, I don’t want to see you every day. I never said that.

Sophia: Why do guys think that?

Diana: I don’t know. Okay, like, I get we don’t have to text every day, like every second of the day, but like, you know, little updates don’t hurt. Yeah. Like, I don’t know why men think. Or like seeing each other all the time.

Sophia: Like, yeah, I can’t. I can’t either.

Diana: That’s what when he said, like, Oh, I’m not trying to see you. Like, every day of the week. I was like, I’m don’t either like, I got school. I got work. I gotta do homework.

Diana: Like, it wouldn’t be like, it wouldn’t be nice to see you at least twice a week or even once like, you know, that’s why it’s crazy to be like, What do you mean? What do you mean by that?

Sophia: Cuz then it could get too clingy, or even like, clinginess during the talking stage.

Diana: Oh

Diana: I’m guilty of that.

Sophia: NOOO!

Diana: I am I’m guilty.

Diana: I get lowkey. I get attached.

Diana: But you know what? I’m not scared to be vulnerable anymore. No, I think that’s why I had so many walls up. But now I’m like, who cares? I’m ready for love. Like I grew up from a toxic stage.

Diana: That’s why. I’m not toxic no more [laughs]

Diana: No, I think so you don’t get clingy?

Sophia: I don’t. I don’t.

Diana: how do you do it? [laughs] give us tips I just like.

Sophia: I don’t know. I think that’s like is that my red flag like, like not getting clingy? Like I just get bored. of people,

Yeah, I do to but you know what? Maybe because they’re not the one. So it’s not necessarily as long as you don’t like

Sophia: But I want him to be [laughter], I’m just kidding. I start crying.

Diana: It do be like that, like, I know sometimes I do get sad when like, things don’t work out and then you like, yeah, like, like then like didn’t have a good personality.

Diana: Like why am I so sad? But it’s cuz you think about like the way like it could have been? You know,

Diana: Honestly, I think yeah, I always like create people.

Sophia: Like I create a version of them in my head and especially with the holidays coming.

Sophia: Yeah, who’s gonna take me to the pumpkin patch

Diana: I wanted to do a couple’s costume. You know, I should have made the four-month talking stage I was in longer [laughs].

Sophia: It shouldn’t have ghosted him. [laughs]

Diana: Oh we should talk about ghosting.

Sophia: We should!

Diana: thoughts on ghosting?

Sophia: Okay, well, I ghost a lot

Diana: you ghost?

Sophia: I, I do.

Diana: I get ghosted, so I don’t like ghosting.

Sophia: No, I ghost, I ghost. And then like, Yeah, I’m just a ghoster.

Diana: you’re a ghoster. Boo [laughs]. I’m just kidding [laughter]

Sophia: No, it’s cuz. I guess. It’s also like the fact that I get bored. like why reply? Yeah, like, it just gets boring. Like, honestly

Diana: Yeah. I mean, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Diana: Like it’s not your boyfriend. So you really don’t.

Sophia: I just ghost them like on a random Tuesday [laughter] at 3 pm.

Diana: I used to get ghosted and ghost people. But like I said, I’m not scared to be vulnerable. So I feel like I over-communicate now.

Diana: I literally told that guy that I last talked to like, multiple times.

Diana: Like I communicated my wants my needs. And he didn’t meet them yet. He still would claim to like me. And I’m like, bro, you don’t want

Sophia: I cannot do that

Diana: just say you don’t. That’s why I don’t know why. Four months is a long time. I could have like ended things way sooner.

Sophia: That’s a long time.

Diana: Yeah, but it’s the same thing. That’s why I don’t know. Like, I don’t know, guys like wasting their time, too, I think. Or they just like, don’t know what they want

Sophia: that to. because, well I mean I don’t know what I want [laughs].

Diana: I know what I want. That’s why I’m like, I already communicated my wants and needs with him.

Diana: Like, if you like, like, if him himself like he knows he can’t provide that for me then like, bro, okay bye like within like, okay, like, see you. But yeah, I don’t know. What about breaking up through text?

Sophia: I mean, that’s what I ended things. I don’t think I’ve ever broken up with someone through text.

Diana: me neither just well situation ships, but that’s not a break up.

Sophia: I don’t think I ever have like, No,I’ve broken up with someone on Valentine’s day [laughter].

Diana: That’s so. How was that?

Sophia: It was all right. We were still friends after.

Sophia: Okay do you think the talking stage is considered dating?

Diana: That’s tricky. Depends. I feel like you talk to your partner that like whoever you’re talking to. And be like, are we exclusive OR inclusive?

Diana: Because obviously, I don’t know. I feel like the talking stage. I hate that word. Like, obviously, we’ve seen the movies shows like people go on dates.

Diana: You’re dating around you like you need to find what you like, obviously, you need to see who like, I don’t know how to explain. Like,

Diana: I’m fucking having a little brain fart [laughs].

Sophia: I think if your’re like, constantly like going on dates with the person and dating.

Diana: Yeah, when dating but not like in a relationship. Yeah, I guess just dating. Yeah, just like fun like funsies. But do you think you should be allowed to date other people while you’re in the dating?

Sophia: I think a lot like just like, talk to the person that you’re talking with? Yeah, like, because yeah, I think the talking Yeah.

Sophia: As you’re, I guess, getting to know each other through text and like, you know, and then once you’re dating,

Diana: Yeah, you’re going out more and like, getting to see how they are as a person, like, you know, but what about like,

Sophia: just like, like texting that you haven’t hung out yet? I think that’s more of a talking stage. Yeah.

Diana: Yeah

Diana: And then once you’re like, going on actual dates that you know, you’re already dating each other. And I think at that point, you do need to determine like, are we inclusive or inclusive?

Diana: Because I feel like sometimes I’m a little too loyal during just the talking stage.

Sophia: Me too

Diana: And I think that’s where I hurt myself. Because I’m like, bro, I’m just getting to know them. Like, I need to relax.

Diana: And that’s again where I come in. I feel like I’m clingy. So I don’t know. Maybe I just want to be in love already [laughs].

Sophia: Wait, what? What are some red flags in the talking stage?

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Diana: when they start telling you their problems right away? Yeah, like I am not a therapist. I’m sorry. Like I just met you I should not know why.

Diana: Like I should not know it that much personal issues.

Diana: Like I’m not a girlfriend yet [laughs]. Why are you telling me this? Like I can’t solve your problems.

Sophia: Love bombing?

Diana: Oh, yeah. That’s what the guy did to me love bombing, he love bombed me.

Diana: how would you explain love bombing?

Sophia: Like, it’s just like, I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know what it is like for me.

Diana: Why I say he loved bombing was because he would call me his future girlfriend.

Sophia: Yeah, well, things like that

Diana: He introduced me to his aunt. But he never asked me out. And like he would hardly text me.

Diana: He would like some like, why are you telling me these things? So it’s really interesting.

Diana: Like, and he wanted me to meet his grandma. But like, I’m not your girlfriend yet. And I would tell him like we’re not official like that’s like already like girlfriend things you do.

Diana: I think the title scares people.

Sophia: Yeah, for sure.

Diana: Which it is scary, though. Don’t get me wrong

Sophia: Because I feel like people aren’t even like in relationships.

Diana: Dude like on national boyfriend day. I was like, since when is

Sophia: No right! [laughter]

Sophia: Oh my god. Dude, I was like on Instagram. I was like, dude when did you get a boyfriend like when did this happen? [laughter]

Diana: Because on national girlfriends it was real quiet. So I’m just like. It really was funny

Sophia: I think another red flag is only texting you at night.

Diana: Like at 2 a.m. sneaky link oh we should talk about sneakily links. Fuck sneaky links.

Sophia: I’ve never been a sneaky link I’ve never had one.

Sophia: I don’t think I could like deal with that

Diana: sneaky links. They’re interesting. They’re toxic. I could see and obviously yeah, I just text you at 2 a.m. Wanting to hang out. And it sucks. Because like, Bro, are you gonna take me out during the day?

Diana: But again, that’s past.

Sophia: Like, why are you hiding me? Yeah, it’s like, are you ashamed of me?

Sophia: Another one is, they don’t reply. But like, you can see that they’re online.

Diana: Oh, let’s talk about that

Diana: Because that bothers me so much. It does not take forever to reply. to just like reply to a message.

Sophia: I mean, I’ve done it before. I mean, I know that I have. But sometimes I’m just like, oh, like I’ll reply later. I forget. Yeah.

Diana: I don’t know, sometimes it feels intentional. And it’s like damn okay you don’t want to talk to me?

Sophia: Yeah.

Sophia: Like, you just know, they’re online, you know,

Diana: like they’re like, or they watch your story. And they don’t reply to you. What’s up with that? Can someone tell us?

Sophia: Oh my god

Diana: That irritates me a lot.

Sophia: That’s so annoying

Diana: I know the guy um.

Diana: I don’t know why guys do that. Or like when you? Let’s say you guys have like a fallout, like whoever you’re talking to.

Diana: And they’re the first ones to watch your story? Like? Why is it like it’s not just like a one-person thing?

Diana: Like, I feel like multiple girls talk about that. Yeah. And guys like to say they don’t care about social media. But nah they know what they’re doing.

Sophia: Like they do. Have you ever looked at like somebody that you’re trying to like they’re following?

Diana: Yes. Guilty. I honestly used to not do that. But lately, yeah.

Sophia: Tell me. Why are you following all these girls?

Diana: I don’t really mind it. I’m just like, interesting. If you look at their likes, like do you have Twitter?

Sophia: No

Diana: I don’t either just have peace of mind

Sophia: No, on Instagram I do look at who they’re following? Because like, they’re just following pure girls.

Diana: Do you care if they follow like, insta baddies?

Sophia: No, because it’s not like they have a chance with them [laughter].

Diana: thank you!

Diana: like what? I used to have an ex who would get jealous when I would bring up like I used to say like, Oh, I love Calum Hood.

Diana: And he would get mad at me.

Sophia: Dude I follow like pure celebrities and me too.

Diana: And I’m just like, bro, you swear I have a chance. like ima bump into them at the market or what.

Sophia: Yeah

Diana: Like, you swear they’re gonna like me bro relax. Like, I don’t know, it’s crazy. Like why would you get jealous of a celebrity?

Diana: Did your friend meet them online?

Sophia: No, she just met them in person. Yeah, like just like, he just came up to her. Oh okay, see, I’m tryna be like that. I’m going to a bookstore. I want someone to come up to me.

Sophia: I’m gonna go sit in the library. I want to meet someone in a library.

Diana: Me too. like at Barnes and Noble.

Sophia: Yeah I think that’d be so cute

Sophia: Not like not like at a bar or something. Well, I can’t even go to bars [laughs].

Diana: Oh, we should talk about dating apps. Oh my god.

Sophia: I fucking hate all of them. Have you been on them though?

Diana: Yes. Me too. And they’re not for me.

Diana: No they’re not. There’s just like, I don’t know if all the good people got taken, but everyone’s boring [laughs].

Sophia: They are boring. Or they’re just looking for sex. Mhm And like, good for them. But like, I just I love hinge just to see guys [laughs].

Diana: Well I’m banned from Tinder so.

[laughter]

Sophia: No way!