Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

The Envelope: 3 ways to beat the bum-fiddling this new school year

Benjamin Garcia

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We’ve come to the point where the sinking feeling in our guts that tells us summer is almost gone increases in weight.

On Mondays, there is an Autumn crisp — though by Friday it’s 95 degrees Fahrenheit and we are all walking around essentially naked to escape heat exhaustion.

Many of us are coming back from epic vacations; while others have been on campus all along — taking classes to get ahead, or whatever. No matter how you spent your summer, one thing is sure: you either remembered you hate going to (community) college, or you never forgot.

And we have only been in school for a month!

Furthermore, your spirit may already be broken for having to buy some pointless books for a pointless class. “Introduction to Interpersonal Skills,” who needs those?

You were likely have been Shanghaied into needing a pass-code (probably from Pearson) to turn in your monotonous math homework — from which, you will retain nothing.

Perhaps spending hard-earned money on equipment (a film camera) for a class required to get your pointless degree was in order.

There is no escaping these things; however, there are ways to make up for this wasted capital.

For starters, you could invest in a new wardrobe; and don’t think too literally about regaining lost funds, buying a t-shirt that says “I’m not gay, but $20 is $20.”

 

I suggest donating your entire closet of clothes to a thrift store, getting a tax rebate and replacing them with better clothes. You don’t have to go high-end, just make yourself look presentable.

Not only will this give you a competitive edge in getting the job/girl/resources you want, nay, need, but you will also be presented with an opportunity to re-brand change your image.

Dress for the job that you want to have; meaning that if you want to be a deadbeat dad — keep wearing sarcastic graphic tees, athletic sandals and khaki shorts.

Next on this list of ways to bum-fiddle the bum-fiddler, buy absolutely NOTHING from the student store if you can help it.

At Cerritos College, it already takes students to graduate for lack of math classes; and it makes us pay for everything from parking in the lot, to turning in math homework, to having access to scantrons to take tests.

It’s time we stop giving the school money that could be used towards better things.

Items sold off campus rather than at the various stores on campus are much cheaper, especially food.

Here’s an idea: bring food to school. No doubt a salad from the nearby Trader Joe’s will succeed where whatever they sell at Elbow Room consistently disappoints.

Books, at least the ones required to pass a class you are not enthusiastic about attending, will always be too expensive — if you spend a single cent on a book you don’t want to read, that is too much. There are ways of getting books for free.

Lastly, do what you can to help your comrade save time, money and resources — because, as a wise man once told me, “We’re all in this together.”

If you find ways besides these that allow you to beat capitalism and thwart the overlords (corporate or not) that try to control and manipulate our way of life through financial strain, it is your duty as a good communist to export this knowledge to your networks of fellow revolutionaries.

Remember: in a world where we are nearly forced to spend, spend, spend — saving every penny you can is a form of resistance.

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Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.
The Envelope: 3 ways to beat the bum-fiddling this new school year