Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

The Envelope: God hates Republicans

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Conservatives are America’s cancer.

Sidenote: With the proposed budget throwing elderly people off of health insurance, we are bound to see more and more of these declining conservatives who sit in-front of their TV, eating microwaved TV dinners — which contain carcinogenic GMOs — developing cancer and dying. Republicans will soon be extinct like the 10,000 species that become extinct each year due to deforestation.

Conservatives are dangerous, and not just for their stupidity.

The Pentagon confirmed that an airstrike killed more than 100 civilians in Mosul, including four civilians in an adjacent house in western Mosul’s al-Jadida district.

Imagine if there were a serial killer in a house, and the police shot up the entire street — that’s essentially what the Trump-led military did. Republicans are, indeed, naturally violent.

Where are the fathers? Doing meth with prostitutes, probably.

Did you know that Republicans want to do drug tests for welfare? They want addicts, people with illnesses, to die. What monsters!

We’re going to see a lot of Billy-Joe-Jimmy-Bobs not being allotted food stamps from Arizona to Montana and all across the South (traditionally red states), due to inexpensive methamphetamine flowing in from Mexico, fueling what police and epidemiologists call an “alarming increase in the number of people using.”

Also, 61% of the population receiving welfare is identified as white, while only 33% is identified as black.

“Welfare cheat” has been used as a synonym for “African American” since the early days of Ronald Reagan.

Republicans are so stupid, the working class Republicans voted against their self-interests.

Circling back around to the aforementioned prostitute comment, on July 21, 2016, The New York Post reported:

“Male prostitutes contacted by The Post said business is booming and Republican National Convention attendees — most of them married — are clamoring for their services.
“Business has been way better. I’ve seen 10 clients so far,” one male escort said.”

Having to promote “family values” must be a pain in the ass.

Meanwhile, Republicans like Minnesotan Senator Jon Kline want to support small businesses so much that they have given enterprise to a number of Latino rent boys on every one of their trips away from their traditional families.

Republicans are racist, ageist, ableist and elitist. Why else would they be in favor of cutting funding for WIC, Meals on Wheels and SNAP, programs designed to assist the most vulnerable members of our society?

They are godless, selfish savages who are definitely going to hell; but we, the far left, love them, and this article is meant to change their minds and save their souls.

The U.S. — with $63.5 trillion in total private wealth, holds the largest amount of any country in the world; but that wealth is unevenly distributed.

Nowhere is inequality more evident than in the U.S., which also has the largest wealth inequality gap of 55 countries studied.

Being the literal wealthiest country in the world, you would think that we could afford to improve not only funding for welfare, but also pay those greedy public school teachers more either.

We could afford to bomb the hell out of the poverty-stricken people in Iraq, though.

Speaking of education in the US, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos couldn’t even answer one way or the other when questioned if she thinks guns should be allowed in school.

DeVos and the rest of the Republican party are in favor of privatizing public schools, effectively creating a voucher system.

At this point, impoverished parents will not be able to send their children to grade school, therefore, enslaving poor kids through a lack of education, and thus the ability to even hope for a semi-livable wage.

It’s almost like Republicans are trying to reinstate slavery on minority groups — namely American Indians (making up 27% of the population living in poverty), Blacks (20% or more) and Latinos (as high as 32.2%).

Obviously, Republicans are rapists — just look at the allegations against such politicians such as:

What about all the Republican figures in the media with numerous sexual assault allegations?

The following is from a list compiled by Tessa Stuart from Rolling Stone Magazine:

  • 2004: O’Reilly Factor producer Andrea Mackris filed suit, accusing O’Reilly of sexual harassment and seeking $60 million in damages. Her lawyers contended that the host subjected her to telling he of inappropriate sexual fantasies over the phone such as taking a falafel to “put it on [her] pussy.”
  • 2016: Juliet Huddy, co-host of Fox & Friends First, Fox & Friends Weekend and DaySide, alleged O’Reilly made passes at her and tried to have her fired when she rejected them.
  • 2017: A former Fox News employee came forward the day before O’Reilly was fired to report the Fox host harassed her while she worked for another of the network’s shows in 2008. The woman, who is black, said O’Reilly called her “hot chocolate.”

Fox Network’s founding CEO Roger Ailes resigned after more than 20 women came forward accusing him of sexual harassment and psychological torture over the course of his two-decade tenure.

Accomplished child rapist Donald Trump who happens to be the president of the United States, was among few to defend Bill O’Reilly.

Trump himself has also been accused of forcing oral sex on a thirteen year old in a federal lawsuit in the state of New York. The woman has been identified in documents as “Jane Doe.”

The suit alleges that billionaire investor Jeffery Epstein and Donald Trump invited Jane Doe to a party, tied her and others to a bed and exposed himself and raped her; obviously ignoring her pleas to stop.

Republican politicians and public figures and anyone who abets them promotes rape.

Republicans are creating a land of sin and that’s the reason God is punishing us by a surplus of fidget spinners and bizarre Katy Perry performances.

God hates Republicans and until they all convert to leftism, we will all be subject to unfortunate pop culture phenomena. Also this heatwave hitting the Southwest United States is probably Republicans’ faults too.

So we, the righteous leftists (who belong to the one true political ideology), will continue to tell conservatives how much God hates Republicans (as an act of love and charity) and we will continue to cast spells on the president and his supporters as Lana Del Rey, our supreme, has obliged.

God bless America.

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Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.
The Envelope: God hates Republicans