Cerritos College
Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

TM Digital Newsletter

TM TikTok

Israeli Defense Forces: Join the Fight for our Birthright

Moises Lopez

The Promised Land needs your help! Defend your country (and its geopolitical interests) and join the Israeli Defense Force today!

Gaza is ground zero for many of our long-planned infrastructure developments, but the land needs to be leveled in order to proceed with these projects.

That’s where you come in.

Armed with the latest in demolition equipment-Joint Direct Attack Munitions bombs and Smart Precise Impact Cost-Effective bombs for general use, white phosphorus for organic obstacles, and BLU-109 “bunker buster” bombs for those hard-to-reach areas-you can jumpstart an economic revolution.

The Ben Gurion Canal has been a long-awaited project to cut across Israel and through Gaza to connect the Mediterranean Sea with the Red Sea through the Gulf of Aqaba.

A West-friendly canal will render the Egypt-controlled Suez obsolete, allowing us to acquire a billion-dollar international trade industry.

Such an undertaking is going to take man-power and man-power is going to need housing.

Be part of our Western Habitation Initiative Targeting Excellence program which guarantees land to exemplary Israeli citizens.

Just as God’s first mitzvah tells us, we must “be fruitful and multiply.”

Land may or may not include homes. Homes will need major refurbishing.

Those new W.H.I.T.E. landowners are going to need to get around. Luckily, there are billions of gallons of fossil fuels beneath Gaza and once the land is leveled, you can be part of the extraction team.

Blocking the path to prosperity is a population of 2.3 million Hamas terrorists.

They are everywhere. High traffic areas include urban military bases, buildings of worship, and physical health facilities, and some juvenile terrorists even occupy education centers.

They are weeds that if left unchecked, will destroy the Israeli way of life.

Here at the IDF, we specialize in mowing the lawn, and as a member of our ranks, you will be expected to eliminate all Hamas fighters upon visual contact. This is the military, after all.

Our current body count is over 25,000 and counting!

Astute IDF soldiers will recognize the economic opportunities: looting.

If direct confrontation is impractical, we have them corralled. We can shut off their power, keeping them off the internet and in the dark. We can block UN aid and access to water. We can even go grassroots and burn their olive trees-a culturally significant and important staple of Palestinian agriculture.

And if all else fails, we’ve got the Samson Option. A policy that ensures the enemy’s destruction by firing the entirety of our nuclear arsenal indiscriminately at the combat zone.

We have had such experience with this method of combat since Oct. 7.

This strategy is endorsed and our state-of-the-art weapons, tanks, and planes are funded generously by the United States.

The U.S. is our biggest supporter, having given us over $300 billion in hardworking tax dollars for economic and military assistance since our founding in 1948. They have even vetoed a UN resolution calling for a cease-fire in Gaza on our behalf.

Truly, the U.S. understands the importance of our campaign against a violent enemy with fundamentally different ideologies.

So much so that 37 states have passed anti-boycott, sanctions, and divestment laws, which forbid them from entering contracts with any company that boycotts Israel.

The great pro-life state of Texas is even denying emergency hurricane aid to anyone who boycotts Israel.

“As Israel’s number one trading partner in the United States, Texas is proud to reaffirm its support for the people of Israel and we will continue to build on our historic partnership,” Texas Governor, Greg Abbott stated.

He continued, “Anti-Israel policies are anti-Texas policies, and we will not tolerate such actions against an important ally.”

Those who deny Israel’s right to exist are anti-semites who are just as guilty as the 2.3 million Hamas terrorists and as such, will be part of the landscaping.

Our current stats show us at 360,000 residential units destroyed/damaged, 378 educational facilities destroyed/damaged, 221 places of worship destroyed/damaged, 10,000 hostages taken, 16/35 hospitals partially functioning with 42 bombs being dropped every hour.

Now it’s time to do your part.

Reach out to your local recruitment bureau and let the kristallnakba continue!


Story continues below advertisement
About the Contributors
Laura Bernal, Staff Writer
Laura Bernal is a staff writer for Talon Marks covering arts & entertainment and news. In her free time, she enjoys reading, listening to music and attending concerts. She plans to transfer to Cal State Fullerton and work at an independent magazine.
Edward Fernandez, Staff Writer
Edward Fernandez is a staff writer for Talon Marks covering arts and entertainment and community news. Aside from reporting, Fernandez enjoys reading and hiking. He hopes to transfer to Cal State Fullerton in the Fall.
Moises Lopez, Staff Writer
Moises Lopez is the staff Editorial Cartoonist and has enjoyed winning a JACC award for Talon Marks in a previous semester. He also plans on transferring with a Major in Political Science and Minor in Journalism.
View Comments (1)
More to Discover

Comments (1)

All Talon Marks Picks TM Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • T

    tytyFeb 10, 2024 at 3:37 pm

    learn how to write satire better, especially when your printing on paper. fully thought this was idf propaganda.