Review: Robocop is Robocrap

The movie industry had the technology and the 80’s icon and it still managed to mess “Robocop” up. The movie was so far up its behind, it lacked consistency in terms of theme and the writing was strained.

Spoiler alert: in the first ten minutes the theme was “yes drones are good for American safety and should be embraced no-questions-asked”.

This message was pounded into viewers in the first 10 minutes of the movie where OCP (Omni Consumer Products) drones and Terminators are “pacifying” Tehran as an American news crew happily remarks on their “cooperation”.

By pacifying, of course, it means that they stood with their hands up in terror as the machines scanned them for weapons.

Suddenly generic extremists show up to show how ineffective machines are when one of them guns down a kid with a knife.

Again the viewers are pounded with the message that machines aren’t safe and that they should be banned.

The movie drags on to generic weapons deals, generic evil bad rich guy trying to push for usage of drones and fake Terminators on American soil.

The audience was just waiting for Alex Murphy to turn into Robocop but were treated to a disembodied head, lungs and a right hand.

Until after 40 minutes of boring build up, he’s Robocop.

But in order to distance himself from his 1987 counterpart, the writers decided to make him edgy and cool. So they made his armor black and his visor light red. Oh, that’s so cool, right?

Bam, then comes in the “humans are better than machines and the human spirit will prevail” theme seen in countless other sci-fi movies.

Before viewers can adjust to these not-so-subtle themes, another one comes rushing in.

This time just as Alex Murphy accepts what he has become, his brain isn’t fast enough to beat robots so they program him to think he’s controlling the suit when in actuality the suit is controlling him.

Here comes that stubborn “free-will” trope that’s been done to death.

The satire in the movie is so overt that it can be confused as serious pro-American propaganda.

Samuel L. Jackson’s character, Pat Novak, was the host of the Novak Element, was basically what would happen if Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh collided at 200 miles per hour and merged as one.

The movie draws to a close after apparently gunning down all the bad guys you forgot about after they exited the screen.

This movie leaves a bad taste in the mouth, the characters were bland and you cared nothing for them.

The acting was as good as a high school movie project, with the only saving grace in the form of Gary Oldman.

Nostalgic fans who wanted to see this movie or have already seen it, rent the 1987 “Robocop” to spare yourself the anguish.