Cerritos College
Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

Cerritos College • Norwalk, Calif.

Talon Marks

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Boundaries of a relationship

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Boundaries can be implicit and not everything needs to be said. However, communicating verbally can help clear the air and even build up trust.

Hosted by Campus Advocate Angel Gray, Teal Table Talks discussed both the unspoken and spoken boundaries of relationships in an online session that was held on Jan. 27.

Attended by at least five participants, the session was rather quiet as Gray clarified that the workshop was more of an exchange between herself and participants on the subject.

Teal Table Talks officially hit off with a brief ice breaker where Gray confessed that she would like to walk the red carpet for whichever movie for the sake of walking it.

Afterward, she asked participants what boundaries are according to them.

“When I think of boundaries, I think of geographical boundaries… those invisible lines across the globe that kind of define what’s within, say the state of California, but you don’t necessarily see them,” said Gray.

However, she does concede later that given the inherent nature of someone’s boundaries, it is understandable for those moments in which your partner unknowingly intrudes upon forbidden territory.

She then demonstrated a quick scenario with a participant in which a series of questions was asked and each one grew increasingly physical as to provide an example of where one’s boundaries—in this case, those of the attendants—laid.

“If you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having sex… Even when it comes to emotional boundaries, they may be less obvious [than] physical boundaries, but it’s necessary to be aware of them,” said Gray.

In other words, boundaries are rules set by the partner in the relationship and ones which cannot be violated without explicit consent.

For ten minutes after the demonstration, the session’s attendants created a Venn Diagram of sorts that dictated what they are comfortable within a relationship—be it a romantic or platonic one.

Some negative examples that Gray provided was one individual feeling like the other’s life was their responsibility or displaying affection in public—this last one usually being more varied from person to person.

One potentially life-threatening example that Gray shared with the participants was that sometimes an abuser will use their victim’s social media to keep track of everything they do.

Regarding some positive examples, Gray said that having someone with whom one can confide one’s frustrations and enjoyments is a must—someone trustworthy.

What Gray said after was more specific and blunt. “There has to be a love, a camaraderie,” said Gray, “an affection that goes into a healthy relationship.”

Another important relationship aspect Gray stressed was being honest, otherwise, why entrust oneself and one’s feelings to another person.

As for those who feel that you or someone else might have fallen victim to a more brutal and unkind relationship, the Cerritos Office of Diversity is always open to discussing plans.

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About the Contributor
Matthew Espinosa, Staff Writer
Matthew Espinosa is a staff writer for Talon Marks. His major is Journalism. He enjoys playing Halo and reading science fiction in his downtime. He's unclear as to where he will transfer after Cerritos.
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Boundaries of a relationship